Questions: 30 Ways to Annoy Malayali :Kerala.

Questions: 30 Ways to Annoy Malayali :Kerala.

 

BEFORE LEAP READ THIS BRIEF:

  • This is just  based on my personal experience and its completely  my opinion only.
  • I have no intention to stir any controversy :Come on guys take it as a fun.
  • And i am a proud Malla :Born and brought up here in Kerala.: And living here now peacefully.

 

  • Who is Malaylai (Keralite  ) ?

The people native of Kerala district in country India.

  • Population and Language :

Around 40 Million.

Males : 16,021,290.

Females : 17,366,387.

Malayalam is the official language.

 

  • What made me to prepare this Article?

Whenever I have told my classmates, college-mates and colleagues that I am from Malluland, I had always received the response (mostly from Mallus), “Really? But you don’t look like the typical Mallu!” “You don’t behave like a conventional Malayali!” This made me wonder how a typical Mallu behaves or looks like. So i researched thoroughly to bring you out for you.

I am scribbling down few questions that makes Keralites get frustrated.

 

#1.Ask About Cricketer Sreesanth 

  •  There was time when Keralaties proudly talked about this Kerala born Indian cricket bowler ,but not any more. I have noticed  many Keralaiteis get annoyed talking about Sreesanth after knowing his alleged involvement in match fixing . And I even noticed Mallus get annoyed easily when some one ask like “Is Sreesanth from Kerala”?. Whether Sreesanth is innocent or not is another subject ,but its true that many still believe (no official proof of he done any match fixing  so. So I think he is innocent until unless its proved).
Sree
Sree

#2.Considering all Malayalis as Marxist party followers

  • ” America means rich people”  and “Africa means poverty”  there are some pre defined superficial assumptions about everything around the world .And “All Keralaites are communist supports” is such a myth about Kerala in other parts.

Many people don’t know that political parties like congress, Muslim league and BJP  are very active and  strong in Kerala . So With out knowing that reality when people call Kerala  “Communist country” I have seen many  get annoyed.(But still 70% keralites are Communist supporters).

Communist
Communist

 

#3:Ask any Keralites, When you are going to the “Gulf”

  • Kerala’s economy largely depend on foreign remittance. 30 percentage of Kerala population stay out side the country for livelihood. And among that majority goes to middle east. At least one person in a every 0Kerala family would go to abroad.

So people funnily ask them “when you are going to gulf”

#4: Put him in a place with Mallus

  •  Every people like to stay with their own community,mostly  when they stay away from home. But Malayalies are exceptional in that ,they wish to stay away from their community members due to many reasons (Especially in western countries).

It is not a generalized  trend. But I have seen many Malaylies wish to mingle and stay with other country people and communities rather than with Malyalies.   There is famous saying in abroad

Basically One Malayli doesn’t like another Malayli

 

#5:Tell to them that Kerala people are not literate

  • Tell him that Mallus lack ‘Vivaram’.(literacy). Mallus have a lot of false pride on their so called hyped 100% literacy. (Kerala’s literacy rate is the highest in India. The only countries in the Third World to have higher literacy are Cuba, Chile and Costa Rica.).

So if you raise question or doubt about Kerala peoples literacy ,sure he get annoyed and give the Literary statistics .

literacy
literacy

#6: Call Him a Malabari :(in Gulf area )

  • You know  Keralaites are larger  population than  Arabs in middle east. But when i worked in Arab i noticed every strange thing every Indian is called as Malabari.

#7. As them , Why they Hate Dogs and Why they want to Kill them.

 

#8: Call Them Mallu. 

  • Mallu is used to refer to people from the state of Kerala in India. It was initially used to refer in a derogatory manner to immigrants from Kerala,India. Mallus is a short name for Malayalees. Many mallus lightly derogatory (though not offensive). The term “Mallu” has connotations relating to the soft-porn industry that had moderate success here in the 2000s, and the term, as a vestige, is still used in such and related contexts — google “mallu” and you’ll see what I mean.

#9: Talk about their Oily Hair

  • Mallus use coconuts very extensively for daily purpose. They use the coconut water as a refreshing drink. They use coconut and coconut milk for cooking. They use the coir from coconut shells to make a good scrub or to burn them as fuel. They use coconut shells for burning or even as fancy containers. The fibers from the coconut tree is used to make ropes. And last not but least, they use coconut oil for cooking as well as for their body and hair!

Most of the Mallu girls and boys use lot of oil in their hair and never wash it out. I still don’t know why every one do so. So most of the north Indians call Mallus OIL MONKEY

#10:Make fun about their EZ Pronunciation 

  • Kerala people doesn’t know how to Handle international language English with correct pronunciation ,  Even though Kerala is 100% literate state in India

So most of the Keralaites pronounce Letter “Z” as “EZ”(Except north Kerala side). I still remember my North Indian Classmates get confused and corrected Mallu lecture during my Btech time about it.

So ask them about it. They get annoyed sure.

 

#11: Talk about Super Star “Santhos Pandit”

  • Santhos Pandit is film star who became famous through negative publicity. He made sub standard films and challenged and criticized typical Mollywood formats . Keralaites are so ashamed to tell others that he is part of kerala film fraternity.

 

#12: Ask them how ,Where to Party in Kerala ?

  • It is a sad reality that Kerala youth doesn’t have any place to party .Like clubs ,dance bars or night clubs. So most go to nearby places like Bangalore and Goa

So you can pull the leg of a Mallu by saying so.

#13: Make fun of his  Lungi and a pair of rubber Hawaii slippers

  • Lungi and a pair of rubber Hawaii slippers is the trade mark signature of a Mallus. 
Mundu
Mundu

 

#14: Ask him why He love beef this much 

  • Beef is banned red meat in most of the north Indian states due to religious reason . But beef is most consumed and official meat in literate Kerala.
Beef
Beef

 

#15:Ask them  Why you are staring at ladies 

Staring
Staring

What is Staring ?

WIKIPEDIA is- ‘a prolonged gaze or fixed look. In staring, one object or person is the continual focus of visual interest, for an amount of time.’

  • Keralaites approach to ladies is pathetic. staring at girls and making them uncomfortable is common in Kerala and it is been widely criticized.

So ask them about it.

 

#16: Ask them Why they eat Rice 5 times a day 

Rice is the most important food item as far as Kerala is concerned.

  • An average Mallu eats rice at least five times a day. It starts with a morning breakfast of something made out of rice. There is a pre-lunch which is of rice in a liquid form called kengi (pronounced as ‘ken G’). Then a fully fledged lunch of rice. There will be an afternoon tea with some snacks made out of rice. And then dinner of course will be based on rice.
  • Morning -He use Rice made bread fast items like -Puttu (made of rice powder and grated coconut, steamed in a metal or bamboo holder) , idli (fluffy rice pancakes), Paal-Appam( a circular, fluffy, crisp-edged pancake made of rice flour fermented with a small amount of toddy or wine)
  • Brunch- Rice snacks.especially porridge.
  • Lunch-Rice and curry is must for lunch.
  • Evening: Any rice made snacks.
  • Dinner-Rice porridge or rice and curry.

Call them Rice-addicted man. They get easily annoyed hearing that.

Sadhya
Sadhya

#17 : Ask  “Why Mallu men are putting Mustaches like uncles”

  • A typical Mallu guy should have a Meesha (mustache) as if the meesha is the source of his manliness . The guys without meesha are not considered as men, they are still the ‘Paiyyans'( the adolescent ones).So its a prestigious issue to keep mustache in Kerala .typical north side India people doesn’t use mustache in the way mallus use

Ask them about their Moustaches.?

meeesha
meeesha

 

#18: Why every Mallu Keep Thorthu (Towel)

  • A common weakness shown both by women and men of Mallu origin is for the homespun towel called `thorthu.’ An unavoidable part of travel comfort-wear the `thorthu’ is proudly used by men as an `angavasthram’ worn folded over the shoulder and by women as a `chunni’ draped over both shoulders with the front hanging down to midriff.Few put it around their head.Ladies after bathing put around their hair. So there are many uses with Thoruthu.

Mallus keep at least use 2 Thorthu when he go for vacation.

So just ask him about that.

thoruthu
thoruthu

 

#19: Ask ,”Why mallu Ladies wear Heavy Gold  necklace”

  • A typical Mallu married woman is supposed to have a lot of gold on her body; gold chain, gold necklace, gold earrings, gold anklets, gold bracelets, gold loin-chains and so on. They are yet to wake up to the truth that platinum and diamonds are more expensive that the yellow metal.

#20 : Ask Why Mallus Drink Alcohol In one Sip 

  •  Mallus Alcohol love is famous all over the world.

People in the southern state of Kerala are the heaviest drinkers in India. And the speciality of Kerala peoples drinking is that : They love to drink in one stretch. 

#21: Why Mallus Are not united -Mallus never cooperate each other

  •  Even though Mallus are spread across world, the unity among Mallu community is comparatively very less.

So if you ask them about it straight they would get annoy.

#22: Why you Cook everything with Coconut oil

  • Even though Coconut oil is one of the richest sources of saturated fat ,many criticize and rarely use it .Especially in north Indians  use some other vegetable oil for cooking purpose.

So ask Mallus, Is this because of the abundance of coconut you are using coconut oil for every thing you cook?

 

#23 : Why there is no security For girls in Kerala 

  • there are many nasty molesting and rape incidents reported in Kerala recently. And the mentality towards the people

 

#24: Ask them Why they are reading 2 or 3 news papers daily ?

  • you all know Keralaites are 100 Literate.And there is saying about Kerala that . “Keralites can survive with out food for few days but not a single day with out news paper.

You can ask about mallus newspaper appetite

#25: Ask About “Moral policing in Kerala “?

  •  Public taking law and order and act as moral policing is been widely criticized practice found in Kerala. Espcially college students and couples are victims of this mentally retarded people.

So ask them about it.

#26 :Ask them why they aren’t good at national language Hindi:?

  • Most of the malaylais are not ready to agree that Hindi is the national language.And also majority of population fail to speak hindi (Most popular language in India). Malaylies give importance to ENglish language instead.

So malayalies suffer most time when they travel to north side of India.

And north Indians most often make fun about the in ability of malaylies to speak Hindi.

So if you slask them “Why don’t you know Indians national language” obviously they get annoyed

 

#27: Ask Why Malaylies showcase Costliest items in shelf and use old one daily use?

  •  Its a custom and practice of Mallus to showcase all costliest and new dinner and cutleries in showcase and use old items for daily use.

So ask them about it. Why you are so cheap to use costly glasses in shelf and use old one daily use.

 

#28: Criticize Malaylam cinema and Mohan Lal?

  • Do you guys make movies down south in Kerala?
  • I bet whatever movies you guys make will be worth less than our Bollywood B grade flicks.
  • Also do you have any good actors and writers who could produce good cinema?
  • How come you consider fat Mohan lal As a actor ?

This is questions are enough to make malayalies annoy.

Malayalies think their Mollywood movies are best in India and actor Mohanlal is best actor in the world.

READ 60 INTERESTING FACTS ABOUT ACTOR MOHANLAL.

#29:Why do you call Kerala God’s own country when there is nothing better than nature?

  •  Kerala is widely known as Gods own country. But who ever visit here wonder why should we call it gods own country. If you ask such a question possibility of seeing annoyed mallu is high.

#30: Is Actress Shakila the biggest Super star in your Kerala ?

  • Who is Shakila ?

Film actress popular by acting in B-grade Malayalm films . Her big hit film was Kinnarathumbikal in Malayalam.  used body-doubles in her later movies. She had become INR 22 lakhs became a box office blockbuster grossing around INR 4 crores. It was dubbed in Hindi and other Indian languages and became successful. The film has earned a dedicated cult following, mainly in South Indian states.

So Tell Malayali  that the only mallu film star you know is Shakeela and that mallu movies are all c-grade soft-porn.Thats it he will slap you .

#31: Ask “Why Malayalies always criticize about Malayalies” ?

  • I born and brought up in Mallu land (Kerala). But this is my second article criticizing Mallus (READ WHO IS MALLU).  Why? You can see Mallus across world most often criticizing them self , even though Mallu land is the number One  state in India to live with high human development index and 100 literacy ?. They enjoy criticizing themselves because they love their land and culture very much.

OBVIOUSLY I AM A PROUD MALLU

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